How Many Seasons Does It Take To Meet Your Goddamn Mother?!

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Please press play below before you continue to read…

We FINALLY see future Mrs. Ted Mosby, THANK EFFING GOD! That’s assuming she takes his last name. Knowing Ted though, he totally would take her last name if it meant she would be with him forever, living happily ever after, with their 3.2 kids, in their 3 story home, atop their perfect yard, enclosed in a white picket fence, and well-trained dog. I must say, IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME! JESUS CHRIST! The title is How I Met Your Mother, PEOPLE!

How much longer could I have waited for her introduction?!? I’m not gonna live forever! Oh, just one more season? Well then, challenge accepted! Of course I’ll make it through one more. This isn’t Lost we’re talking about. I dropped that garbage half way through Season 4. And good thing I did because I’d never be able to reclaim those precious hours. HIMYM is surely a show I will finish to the end. It is incredibly charming, an abundance of young fun, hilarious and consistent in its writing, and it successfully manages to keep its audience through the seemingly, never-ending, unknowing of this mystery woman. The writers sure do know how to drag out a plot.

But after all is said and done, this was a great season and season finale! Thank you for the twenty-something playful episodes, unlike some other shows that only offer six, of which are uncomfortable, random, even erratic (cough: Girls : WTF?!).

For some reason, I always pictured Ted’s future wife to be a blonde… but I was wrong! She is, in fact, a brunette. And based on her looks alone, I think she is actually very fitting for Ted! I see her as a petite cross between Lily and Robin, which is perfect for him. That boy can’t live without those girls! We learn that after the wedding, Ted has planned to leave NYC  and move to Chicago. And why is that? Because of Lily and Robin. Lily (and Marshall) will be living in Rome for the year, and Robin is getting married to Ted’s best friend, Barney. He clearly cannot cope without these 2 women in his life. But now, after this long awaited reveal, we discover that Ted can, and will, have  2 in 1! What a deal! And, she plays the bass!

See what I mean?

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But let’s rewind a bit to the beginning of the episode, shall we?

Barney and Robin are perfect for each other. They are both awesome, and good at being awesome! They say it all the time and you know what? It’s true! As good as Ted and Robin are together, in all reality, they want completely different things. robin ted couch Ted is a hopeless romantic. He’s a family man who loves love and will search endlessly to find “the one.” He admits he would die to make Robin happy, a feeling that is not mutual, proclaiming that he would bleed from his own veins just to find her cherished locket. Geeeez Ted, take it easy! Why do you have to go to such extremes! You knew the idea of you and Robin wouldn’t work from the get-go. Even Ted’s parents divorced for not having the same set of core values and desires. It would never work out between them.

Barney Robin TagRobin and Barney, on the other hand, are such a great match, devilish partners in crime, two bros in love! Both are driven by their careers. Neither is family oriented, or interested in having kids. They both love to drink scotch, scotch that’s old enough to order its own scotch, and smoke cigars.  Not to mention, Robin has some serious Daddy issues; Robin’s father raised her as if she were his son, you know…as if she had a PENIS! Why this matters, you ask? Well, Barney’s dream girl = Pretty + BOOBS + Awesome + DADDY ISSUES. And therefore, Robin suits him perfectly! Even though her boobies are kind of small, they’re still boobies nonetheless!  Let’s not forget that Barney has some daddy issues of his own… maybe even some mommy issues too!? What a floozie! The apple sure does not fall far from the tree.
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And what a treat to see Casey Wilson (Happy Endings and Keegan-Michael Key (Key & Peele). Too bad there weren’t previous encounters between the two couples over the past few seasons. It would have made for a good running joke.

But give me a break! Barney requested the table next to the window! Barney Stinson always gets what he wants. Plus, he has so much money! There is no way that table would NOT be his! Isn’t it called a reservation, especially at what is made to be an intimate, upscale New York City restaurant? And the table by the kitchen door, c’mon! That wouldn’t fly anywhere! The waiters struck him multiple times, with force, and without any apologies. That’s just bad customer service people.

Now on to Lily and Marshall, soul mates, with out a doubt made for each other. lilymarshallwed Marshall Eriksen, you’ve grown up with your bullying, goofy-ass, ginormous brothers your whole life… you didn’t see that punch to the nuts coming??? Even Lily knew it was coming through the phone! Marshall’s mom, oh man…where to begin? She reminds me of my mother a bit. Before I left for university my mother told me she was coming with me and was going to be sleeping under my bed. She insisted on repeating this to me for months until I actually left. I know my mom loves me, even to a point of obsession, but cut the cord, will ya!? So too is Marshall’s mom, but worse because she puts mayonnaise on everything! YUCK! As for Marshall’s judgeship offer, I think it’s great — he’s smart, hard-working, passionate about the law, good-hearted, and with the best of intentions. At the same time however, I really want Lily to take full advantage of her art consultant position. She’s worked as a kindergarten teacher for years, then became a full-time mom, and now finally has the opportunity to fulfill her dreams, and in Rome! This truly is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And let’s be real, the Captain is going to pay her mad dough! Lily has stuck by Marshall’s side time and time again: from undergrad at Wesleyan University, through law school, Nicholson, Hewitt & West, for years at evil GNB, to finally, Honeywell & Cootes, where he was able to fulfill his dream of working in environmental law. When is she going to have her chance?

Now for Ted…Oh poor, pathetic Ted. Where (and when) will you ever find whatever it is you are looking for? In Chicago perhaps? Ted has searched and dated girl, after girl, after girl… after girl, after girl, after girl, desperately longing for each successive one to be “the one.”

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He hasn’t found her and his endless search and hopelessness just leaves us feeling sorry for him. Ted’s just a nice, fun, enlightened guy, who wants to be in love and have a family…and he cannot seem to find that in NYC. What’s so wrong about moving to Chicago? Ted brings up some valid points. As I mentioned before, Robin and Barney will be married and most likely be in their honeymoon phase. Marshall and Lily will be in Rome…well, maybe!? And this leaves Ted all by his lonesome. Why not go to Chicago for a year and see what happens! I fully support that decision. (Even though we know that it’s not going to happen, or at least, not be a permanent move, since he meets his future wife at the wedding.)

What I hope to see/not see in the 9th and final season

1) The season 8 finale ended with “Friday, 56 hours until the wedding.” That’s 2 days and 8 hours. I don’t want that time frame to last more than 5 episodes MAX. I would love to see the relationship blossom and grow between Ted and his future wife. I even hope it leads up to his proposal and their wedding! Two weddings in one season!? Is that allowed in sitcoms? I’d even be okay with fast forwarding a few years into the future.

barney-robin-dance-floor022) I hope to see Ted humiliate himself, yet again, during another Best Man toast. Classic Schmosby. Hopefully it doesn’t embarrass Robin or put her in an uncomfortable, compromising position, or temporarily end his and Barney’s friendship.

3) I hope Lily gets drunk at the wedding. But Lily, with her big mouth, may reveal something… like Ted moving to Chicago for example? Who knows? And as for Marshall and Lily Evil EyesLily’s future, I honestly don’t know… I predict they’ll be staying in NYC, even though that’s not what I want to happen. Maybe she’ll get so angry at Marshall for keeping his job offer from her that we’ll see her “you’re dead to me,” evil eye, face!  That’ll be a treat! (click photo)

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER4) Duh, another Robin Sparkles music video!!!  (click photo) That sh*t makes me pee my pants!

Barney-Stinson

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see! No matter what though, it’s going to be legen….wait for it…. DARY, LEGENDARY! (click photo)

Oh, and to answer the question…It’s 9. Nine seasons to MEET your goddamn mother…what the f*ck is her name!?

Posted on May 23, 2013, in Leor's Blogs and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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